- Learning the ABCs is just not that big of a deal and it’s nothing special.
- There are a lot more important skills than learning the ABCs.
- Let’s start with developmentally…
- Kids develop at different rates – you know that!
- Treat academics in early childhood the same way.
- Let them develop on their schedule… not someone else’s
- It might not even matter WHEN they learn the ABCs
- All this to say STOP WORRYING
- What’s the best way to develop these skills?
- Don’t overlook the biggest skill of all…
- Just so we are clear – Here is the non-stressful way to introduce the ABCs
- How can this skill develop naturally?
- They’ll do it when they’re ready and when it interests them
- Bottom line stop worrying
- SOME FAQs
“My 3-year-old doesn’t know her ABCs and isn’t really interested. I’m so worried. We are struggling!”
That’s a big concern that I hear from toddler and preschool parents on a daily basis. The push to get kids learning their ABCs earlier and earlier is more prevalent than ever… but it shouldn’t be.
Here’s my answer for parents struggling to teach young children their letters.
Immediately stop worrying about your toddler or preschooler and their ABCs. Put the brakes on all this worry. I beg of you.
Before you X out of my website because I sound like a crazy lady saying EXACTLY the opposite of everything you’re hearing from friends and seeing on Facebook… hear me out for a few more lines.
First: let’s take the bloom off the ABCs rose
Learning the ABCs is just not that big of a deal and it’s nothing special.
GASP.
It really isn’t and I’m going to prove this. When all is said and done, learning the ABCs is just memorizing.
It’s no different than memorizing colors, or shapes, or construction vehicles, or animal names, but for some reason we have put this ONE MEMORIZED SKILL on a pedestal and we use it as THE measurement to judge early childhood learning against.
Parents have been fed the idea that remembering a particular set of symbols is a massive developmental milestone in early childhood when frankly, it’s not.
There are a lot more important skills than learning the ABCs.
Unless there are other underlying conditions or learning disabilities present, it just doesn’t matter how early or “late” kids learn the ABCs.
Early childhood is for learning important skills –social skills, life skills – not just memorizing some symbols. Eventually they will memorize these symbols, and it’ll be a really exciting day.
But it’ll be when their brain is ready, when they are interested, and it’ll just “click”.
What we need to put the brakes on is worrying ourselves sick because a young toddler or preschooler doesn’t seem interested. And then the subsequent pressure being put on these kids to master a skill that’s really not that important (yet).
Again, all it is memorizing symbols. To be honest, it’s really kind of a boring skill. We parents have literally picked the most boring skill to hang our learning hats on.
WE NEED TO CHANGE THAT.
Let’s start with developmentally…
Kids learn the ABCs on a broad spectrum from age 2 to 6 years old (kindergarten aged). Think of how big that range is!
This isn’t a small developmental window like “rolling over” or “sitting up”, which most kids meet in a matter of weeks or months from one to the next – this is a giant canyon of time. Your child is going to fall somewhere in that range and it doesn’t matter where.
Kids develop at different rates – you know that!
Learning letters is simply a skill that our kids will learn as they are developmentally ready.
It would be crazy to try and force a six-month-old to walk or an 18-month-old to ride a two-wheeled pedal bike. We wouldn’t do that! We know better.
We know that developmentally a six-month-old isn’t ready to walk, and an 18-month-old has a lot of other motor skills and maturity to build before they’re ready to pedal a two-wheeled bike. We respect the child’s growth and development.
Treat academics in early childhood the same way.
Somehow, we more naturally value motor skill development. We understand it intrinsically and deeply. We can “see” these skills unfolding and growing.
We need to remember that intellectual and academic skills are SKILLS too, just like motor skills. And we need to start valuing them and honoring them in the same way.
You can’t make their motor skills develop earlier and you can’t make their brains develop earlier either.
It has been well documented and studied that children have followed the same basic path of milestones and development over the last 100 years, but only in recent years have we begun to change our expectations and attempted to hurry children’s academic growth.
“Teaching academic tasks to children at earlier ages will not result in greater learning for the vast majority of children, due to the developmental trajectory of child development and individual differences among children.” (Guddemi, et al, 2014)
Let them develop on their schedule… not someone else’s
**remember that I’m speaking for toddlers and preschoolers: please talk to your child’s kindergarten or first grade teacher if you have concerns for ages 5-7**
We know that a child who walked at 10 months is no better at walking than the child who started at 15 months.
The same can be said of learning the ABCs.
It might not even matter WHEN they learn the ABCs
Arnold Gessell, one of the leaders in child development in the 20th century, noted in his work that by the end of third grade, things level out. Early readers don’t become better readers. Early academics don’t mean greater academic success.
His research noted that by the time kids are 9-10 years-old, you can no longer identify kids who learned these academic skills first.
As a former teacher, I personally know this to be true having seen it hundreds of times with other children.
Learning the ABCs early is not an indication of future academic success.
And WHEN your child memorizes them is NOT going to define them.
In fact, being forced into overly academic situations too early can have long-lasting NEGATIVE effects on our kids. [There’s a lot to talk about on that subject – but if you’re curious, read the 2002 study “Moving Up Grades: Relationship Between Preschool Model and Later School Success.” ]
All this to say: STOP WORRYING
Instead, focus on all the amazing skills your child does have – skills that really matter. Celebrate those. Make sure those are the skills being learned in early childhood first.
Turn your efforts to the skills your toddler and preschooler really needs to learn:
- taking risks
- empathizing
- questioning
- learning to think and reason
- discovering how to problem solve
- imagining and creating
What’s the best way to develop these skills?
Play. Independent play.
The more our kids play, the more these “real” skills develop. Skills they need to develop in early childhood.
Don’t overlook the biggest skill of all…
Did you know self-control is one of the biggest indicators of future success? I’d much rather focus on teaching that skill than the ABCs.
RELATED: One of my favorite ways to teach self-control is through sensory bins.
Just so we are clear – Here is the non-stressful way to introduce the ABCs
Since you’re reading this, I’m going to assume you are no longer stressed out about having your toddler or preschooler memorize their ABCs ASAP.
You are going to throw away the flashcards.
You are going to take a deep breath.
You know your child will pick this up at their own pace and that there’s way better skills to focus on in early childhood.
But maybe you are still wondering…
How can this skill develop naturally?
Here’s how: You introduce letters in context, the same as you did with animal names and sounds. It’s exactly the same skill. Naming an object and the sound it makes.
See how similar it is?
You certainly didn’t stress over that skill. You didn’t hover over your child or search the Internet for ways to make them memorize animal names and sounds faster.
Instead, you let it build naturally / organically over time.
You taught these names and sounds in context. You saw a cow and said, “That’s a cow. It says MOOOO!” Eventually, your child made the connection and picked it up.
Do the same with letters. When you see one say, “That’s an M. It says /mmmmm/.” One day, the connections will happen and they will memorize it.
No drill and kill.
Just exposure.
They’ll do it when they’re ready and when it interests them
Some kids memorize dinosaur names.
Some kids memorize construction trucks.
Some kids memorize every Disney princess.
Some kids memorize the ABCs.
This doesn’t make one kid better than the next and it certainly isn’t an indicator of their future academic success.
Bottom line: stop worrying
Instead: focus on the skills your child does have (the really important ones) and the things your child does love.
Look at all the ways they are learning and growing – and in much more complex ways than just memorizing something.
At the end of the day… ask yourself two questions: when did YOU learn the ABCs? And when was the last time someone asked you that?
(And just like you’re struggling to remember right now or thinking of calling your mom for the answer… that’ll be your kid in 30 years.)
SOME FAQs
Can you still own ABC toys and books? Yes! And you should. It’s like owning farm animals and barn books. We want to immerse our kids in all kinds of learning opportunities and surround them with literacy. This will help build up their familiarity with letters, peak their interest, and make learning letters (someday) not such a random, out-of-no-where concept.
When did your kids learn the ABCs? I have three very different kids. I had one pick up letters from books and toys, and knew all the letter names at 22-months-old. I have another child who started picking up letters around 24-months-old, but finally had them fully memorized closer to 3.5 years old. My youngest is currently 28-months-old and can identify 3 letters. Letters do not interest him, and his focus is elsewhere in the world. I have no concerns for his future.
When do you know there is a problem beyond typical ABC development? Talk to your child’s doctor or teacher if you have any real concerns about letters & academic skills. Kindergarten teachers will be more than happy to sit and talk with you about rates of growth and any discrepancies they see in your child’s learning (example: being in the 90th percentile in math vs the 12th in reading is considered a discrepancy in skills).
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Charmaine says
When I say this blog gave me so MUCH relief…its insane. I’m a mom of 2 boys. The oldest is 7 and the other is 3. My 7 y/o practically came out the womb talking! He has always been extremely interested in learning with and without my help and he is now flourishing in school. As for my 3 y/o he likes to play around. He loves building, construction equipment and just being a playful kid. He is not in any rush to learn the rudiments of childhood academics… although I do initiate. He knows some letters, most colors, some numbers although he skips from 3 to 18 lol. But he’s just not as enthusiastic about learning these things as his brother did at his age.
And like you said, he’ll get it eventually but at his own pace. Thank you for this article! It made me feel so much better like I’m not actually a worthless mother. Pressure from family can make you feel like you’re not pushing your kid hard enough but it shouldn’t be that way. This gave me so much confidence moving forward. Just incorporating learning through informal play is all I need to continue doing. Thank you!
Lisa says
Thank you for your article. I’m trying so hard to make my toddler teachers stop worrying about ABC’s with the two and three year olds. This is very helpful backup for my staff meetings.
Lisa
Magnolia Preschool
Barbara Szemplinski says
Thank you for your article. I am a Birth to Three speech therapist. It is so painful to see parents fixate on ABCs, numbers, colors and shapes whe their do not even say “Hi!”
An irony about your article……it is surrounded by ads for alphabet toys! Is there any way those could be removed before I share your article?
Jasmine says
In response to Barbara, it’s also sad when a speech therapist thinks parents concentrating on things other than words is a bad thing when they struggle with speech. My son had a neurological issue when he was 10 and a half months old and lost all learnt words and gestures. He didn’t regain any speech until almost 20 months and in that time learnt all his colours, shapes, body parts, vehicles and more. He still has speech issues at 30 months and doesn’t say ‘Hi’ all the time but does have around 80 words and always says bye. I’m not sure why ‘Hi’ is so important, I’d say learning food words, action words and names of toys would be most helpful as then they can express what they want. For instance my son says ‘wee wee’ which is helpful. Saying parents are putting to much effort into teaching their children real life things rather than a one syllable word is ridiculous. The irony of your response is that the article was simply implying that learning this stuff isn’t actually necessary for a child’s long term development, however you make a rather strange point of saying the ‘hi’ is in some way more important than colours and shapes. It’s like you didn’t understand a thing you read!
Lindsay Briscoe says
Thank you! I knew you would know the answer!
salim says
Hey,
Thank you. Great article. I just needed this to read. I know my son’s normal and when my wife was pregnant, I didn’t foresee worrying about this stuff, but it’s hard not to equate my child with others. He’s 4.5 and he’s still moved the instructional play out.
Rachel says
I needed this so bad. My youngest’s Pre-K teachers are showing concern over his lack of interest in learning his letters and paying attention during circle time. He’sa Buddy boy and would rather be up doing things instead. Your article was the first thing that popped up when I googled how to teach my child the abc’s. I’m a natural reader, so teaching these concepts is a real challenge for me as I have no idea how to go about doing it. I feel so much better not though and will just lay off and let it come in its own time. Thank you for the reality check!!
Danielle Weiss says
Thank you. I really needed to read this. I know my son’s normal and I didn’t foresee stressing about this stuff when pregnant but it’s hard not to compare my kid with others. He’s 3.5 and has always pushed back on instructional play. If he feels you’re trying to teach him something, he’ll run the other way. He just learned his colors (and did it himself, really months after I gave up) and I just bought an abc puzzle because I read that kids should know their abcs before kindergarten and I know he doesn’t know them (only has playdates, not part of a daycare setting so he hasn’t had an instructional exposure to them). Anyway, thank you for highlighting the obvious that we forget: there is a large range of when we can expect kids to learn and know things and their natural interests facilitate when they will do this. I can’t thank you enough for the reminder and helping me relax!